Monday, April 14, 2014

Refresh Monday

God does care about your past. So often we here the phrase "God doesn't care about your past" goes along with "only God can judge me" But I believe He does care about my past and your past. He cares about the storms you've gone through. He cares about the shoes you've had to walk in. He cares about the pains you should have never had to deal with. He cares about the struggles. He cares because He can use anything that satan means for evil and make it good. He can take those pains and use them for His glory. He does care. He cares when you royally screw up your marriage and when you choose your body over your baby and when you have choose drugs over your family. He cares because He wants to use those trials for His good. To show His goodness in repairing your marriage, to give redemption to the baby now in heaven & to prove that He can heal an addicted individual.

Don't hide from your past. Don't hide from your mistakes. God sees them & He forgives you. Not only does He forgive you but He is the only person who will never throw those bad choices in your face. He will not use them to get ahead in an argument. He loves you more than that. 

He does care about your past. He sees it & He sees how it can be used for good. 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

An update on JOY

At the beginning of the year the whole world, or at least that's how it feels, pick a word. A word they feel led to focus on. Two years ago my word was grace and last year my word was hope. This year I choose joy. I choose it because too often instead of looking at the joy in situations I would fold my arms, pout & sit in the negativity of a situation. I wasn't even trying to look for the joy. Finding joy in the every day can be much harder than can be expected, but He reminds me to find the joy & to live it boldly.

:::Where I am being reminded to find joy:::

When I have to drive back home to take that forgotten lunch box back to school.

When washing dishes by hand because our dishwasher is still broke. Washing dishes by hand for a family of 7 can at times feel too overwhelming, but the silver lining is that it is a time I can slow down and really have a conversation with Jesus.

When I'm in the car with our teen girl jamming to music that I have sworn off, because that's when she's most her self. Seeing her smile that big makes my heart happy.

When I am desperate for sleep, I pour another cup of coffee and do life.

When we are in the car driving downtown wondering why they couldn't have scheduled these appointments at the children's 15 minutes away, I find joy, in being stuck in that car, when she talks most openly.

When I feel tested I am reminded to find joy in this crazy life because I know Jesus is in work in my life.

When I seriously wonder how I am going to handle the heartbreak that will come in the next 6-12 months, I am reminded I am the lucky one, I got to bring them into our home & gosh if we have not taken full advantage to spoil with our love the best we can. 

I find joy in people of the internet when I post something like this picture and people remind me of who God is

How are you doing with your word for 2014? 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Sometimes I can't share my story

Blog land started becoming so much more beautiful when people really started sharing their stories. The storms they've walked through, the seasons they are in, the fears about the future. So much has been about sharing your story without fear. Sharing your story and ignore the naysayers. Share your story & others will so get where you are at or where you've been.

But sometimes sharing the story you are currently living gets a little grey area. For me, most of my current story I cannot share. Because my story right now is so much their story. For two children I fell in love with the moment they showed up in that red car packed with their belongings. That everyday I fall more in love & everyday I have to remind myself and prepare my heart for the time when they step out our door. 

Fostercare is many things, but sharing their story is not something for me to share. 

Monday, April 7, 2014

Refresh Monday

And this week it's actually on Monday. Today I want to share something my pastor shared at church yesterday that reminded me I'm not here to pick at the things people are doing wrong. But to love hard. Even when it's hard. To love hard to the non christians and the christians. You know how sometimes it's easier to love friends or strangers over family I think sometimes we can do that with our christian brothers & sisters. We forget that everyone is a sinner. That everyone has their big & little struggles.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

He loves YOU

Yes, I know it isn't Monday, it's a few days late but here's a little inspiration for your Thursday that just so happens to be called Refresh Monday.

Just in case you forgot He loves you more than you could ever imagine. More than you love that cup of coffee or that little one with blonde curls. He loves you when you aborted that baby & when you told that white lie. He loves you when you feel like every day has failure written all over it. He loves you more than water on the earth. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you!! 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

April Inspiration

Every month I've been posting things that inspire me. Usually pictures of color & my kids & bible verses. Today I'm feeling lots of feels but I can't say what is inspiring me. I'm living right now in constant motion. Looking at my planner & calendar sometimes frightens me. Appointments, classes, deadlines visits, soccer & birthdays. To post photos that are currently inspire me just is beyond me right now. Instead I'll jump on the bandwagon and post a few goals.

1. Finally pick a paint color, guys, it's serious. Next month will be 2 years since we've been in this house. My main floor walls need some lovin
2. Keep dreaming with teen girl & help her get a plan going with where she wants to go
3. Love deeper & harder. Let Jesus in more. Lately I've let all the things that need done and the places to go rule the thoughts. My dishwasher recently broke (again) and I have found such beauty in the time where I can't escape time with Him. So a goal, is more intentional time praying throughout the day.
4. To not lose my sanity while my husband is in Saudi Arabia later this month. He'll be gone for a week & I'll be alone with 5 kids, feel free to pray for me ;) But seriously, please do! 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

My God is still God

What I wanted to tweet "dear moms of 5 give me tips because I'm dying"
But the truth is, it isn't the kids.
It's not teen that has made my mothering grow and change. It isn't the twins that have adjusted more amazingly that I thought. It's not the toddlers that string toys in every inch of the main floor.
It's the stress of appointments, and everyone on the team. It's people outside of our little circle. It's the knowing that my husband will be gone later this month for a week. It's the lies that are telling me that I am failing each and everyone of these children. It's the lies that I am not doing this well. That there are not enough hours in the day, nor enough energy running through my body.

And that's where I'm at right now. I see God's hand in the journey to this exact place. I see the seeds of compassion and love and passion and grace He has gifted me with. I love each of these children deeply. When the day comes and the two who are not of my flesh & blood leave I will grieve. But today I am tired. Today I don't know how I can possibly attempt to do all the things. Today I wash dishes by hand because my dishwasher broke. But as I wash each dish I pray. I pray that He continues to walk us through. I pray that my heart can be softened to those who can't understand. 

My God is still God even when I react terribly to a tough situation.
My God is still God when He brings children to bury in our hearts that we know will one day walk out.
My God is still God when the dishwasher breaks and I'm figuring out how to wash dishes by hand for a family of 7.